


Don't Listen In Secret

by AgentMellieMay



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, post 5x22
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-16 13:10:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14811998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentMellieMay/pseuds/AgentMellieMay
Summary: It started as a way for her to escape the bitter reality that maybe May and Coulson aren't coming home anymore.





	1. I

It started as a way for her to escape. 

 

Well, to put it that way is just cruel. Daisy misses them, May and Coulson, but she couldn’t take the pain it would bring to hear their voices so far away if she would call.

 

So that’s when she left her first voice message. 

 

“Hey, May,” Daisy starts, feeling an overwhelming sense of homesickness and sadness. “I-uh, this sounds stupid but, I-I really miss you guys, but” she tried to work her way, to say the things she wants to say, but she started tearing up. “I want to leave voice messages every time I miss you two, but please just listen to them and never answer.” 

 

_'Because I can’t take it'_   was left unspoken, wishing May would understand. 

 

And with that the voice call beeps, cutting  the message short. Daisy puts her phone down, furiously rubbing her eyes. This is going to be one hell of a journey.

* * *

 

It’s been weeks since she started her new routine. 

 

She still wakes up early, to go to the gym and work-out. Daisy feels wrong to do tai chi without May, but that’s only one of the ways Daisy can truly connect to her, even if she’s not beside her.

 

Even though she’s not sure if she’s ever coming back.

 

In quest of finding Fitz, they are mostly aren’t doing much, only a few tiring arguments, pulling out ancient maps, finding names, and endless possibilities. 

 

At night, when this whole shitstorm finally takes its toll on Daisy, she goes to her bunk, formerly May’s, sits at the edge of the bed, and pulls out her phone to leave a voice call.

 

“Hey mom,” she starts, smiling a little despite the ache it leaves on her chest. She doesn’t remember when she started referring May and Coulson as “mom and dad”  on her one-sided conversation with them. She hopes they don’t mind. 

 

She hopes that it doesn’t hurt them to hear those simple words, as much as it hurts her to say it.

 

“We’re still looking for Fitz. I made sure that Jemma  eats  three times everyday. Elena and I started training together along with Davis and Piper. They won’t stop bantering though,” Daisy rambles, lying on the bed. 

 

“Wait, wait, did I mentioned that we dropped by Davis’ house to see his family? It was amazing...” Daisy trails off, regretting the decision to mention family. She closes her eyes shut. How long has it been? Days, weeks, a month? 

 

Ending  the voice call, she put the phone down, feeling a little lost. 

 

How many days has she been doing this? How many voice calls has she left? How many days are still left of her father? 

 

Tears slowly build up on the back of her eyes. Her head hurts. She felt furious again. That’s what she’s been only feeling for the past weeks. She couldn’t understand why the world is so cruel to her. 

 

Why does she have to find her family then only to be torn away from her? 

 

Why is she still waiting for them? 

 

Stupid Daisy. Always hoping for something impossible.

 

_Stupid._

 

_Naive._

 

_Hopeless._

 

 

She picked up her phone again and threw it across the room. She doesn’t know nor care if the phone broke. 

 

For it all started as a way for her to escape

 

But it’s now starting to leave her more broken, calling out for someone who may not come home anymore. 

 

* * *

 

When she stopped leaving voice messages, she felt  worse; empty even. It doesn’t hurt anymore, which makes her more afraid.

Maybe she’s going numb.

 

She went on with her days like that, forcing herself to not call, swallowing the lump in her throat and shutting everyone out.

 

She’s not sure anymore if she wants to move on. She’s sure as hell though, that she will never forget.

 

_“Daisy, if you don’t want us to help you, at least take care of yourself.”_ _Jemma once told her, when she caught Daisy throwing punches on a ragged punching bag late at night, ugly bruises forming on her arms._

But she can’t stop hurting herself.

 

Because these  bruises are the only way to remind her of how it used to hurt.

 

Because without these bruises, she feels nothing.

* * *

 

Daisy’s not sure why she decided to clean May’s bunk.

 

It’s now technically hers, but it was then May’s, and before May left, Daisy asked her to leave something for her to hold on to.

 

So maybe she’s cleaning up not only because it’s inhabitable now from its mess, but maybe because Daisy is forgiving herself now.

 

Maybe, just maybe, even May and Coulson owns her heart, she’s willing to let go now. Keep it buried, and just like Jemma said, visit it from time to time.

 

She needs a break from feeling broken and she needs to pick herself up again.

 

This world was never good to her, but it needs Quake.

 

Picking up some dirty clothes on the floor, something caught her eye.

 

There’s something blinking, casting a faint glow, coming from a box of clothes she had  failed to unpack.

 

She then walks towards the light, kneeling down to rummage through the pile of mess.

 

“Oh.” Daisy whispered, when she found the source of the blinking light.

 

It was her phone, with its screen broken, blinking because there’s an unheard voice message.

Daisy lets out a deep breath, hand shaking as she fished out the phone.

 

Undoubtedly, it’s from May.

 

Rush of emotions had hit her when she read May’s name on her phone.

 

Did something happened when she decided to stop leaving messages? 

 

Did she left May all alone, leaving her waiting for another message for her to listen to?

 

Did something happen to Coulson?

 

Tears stream down her face. “Oh God,” she blurts out, her breath starting to come short and hot.

 

_“Please be okay, please be okay, please”_ she chants, as she clicked the voice message and brought the phone to her ear.

 

Her whole body froze, her tears had abruptly stopped from falling when she heard two voices coming from the phone.

 

She never thought she’d heard from them again.

 

 

_“Hey Angel”_

 

 

 

 


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May knows that Daisy is hurting.
> 
> so she listens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You must listen to this song  
> Don’t listen and pretend you haven’t  
> If you hear my heart  
> Can’t you come back to me?"
> 
> \- Don't Listen In Secret; seventeen

Nothing compares to the pain of losing your whole world; little by little being slowly ripped out from your life, just when you finally built down your walls and let yourself  finally be happy and feel loved.

 

That’s what May is feeling tonight, even when she’s beside the man she loves the most who’s snoring loudly.

 

She tried to be fully happy; make peace with the fate Phil chose. But how can she be happy when every night they lay in bed together could be the last that she’ll be spending with him?

 

_That maybe in the morning, she’ll be alone and mourning?_

 

She rose from the bed and sighed deeply. 

 

She stared at Phil’s sleeping form, contemplating, only to be interrupted by the soft buzz of her phone.

 

Despite all of the heartaches that she’s currently feeling, she had found herself smiling at the name popped up on the screen.

 

One unread voice call from her Daisy. 

 

“Hey May,” Daisy starts, and May’s smile started to fade. In every word that Daisy utters, lingers every sadness that May can feel as well.

 

Even though a Daisy can’t clearly would not hear her, she murmured, “my angel,” gripping the phone tightly. 

 

“ -but please just listen to them and never answer.” 

 

The message ended without any warning, no goodbyes were said.

 

May clutched the phone with both of her hands, pressing it to her chest.

 

She does understand what Daisy is going through, so she fought back her every will to call  Daisy back.

 

And just when she thought there is no way she can get hurt even more, the universe has its way to make her feel more alone.

 

* * *

 

 

Every night she lays down to her side of the bed and listens in secret.

 

Every message she hold sacred in her heart, only for her ears to hear, only her pain to bear.

 

And in every morning, she puts up a facade, hiding any indication of the tears that were shed and the promises that were broken every night she listens to the voice calls. 

 

Daisy always told May she loves them and promises them that she and Phil are going to be okay. But never did once Daisy asked them to come home or call back. 

 

And it pains her because she knows, by the third time Daisy said those words, Daisy is slowly destroying herself. 

 

Daisy doesn’t leave messages not only for  May to listen to.

 

Daisy leaves the messages because she doesn’t want May to be alone if ever one day, she wakes up and Phil isn’t there anymore.

 

Daisy leaves the messages to make her forget the bitter reality that maybe they’re not going to come home anymore. That’s why she never wanted May to call back.

 

Because if May would call, Daisy wouldn’t be able to move on. May never gave up on finding a cure, but she might give Daisy a false hope.

As much as she hates to think about it, but if worse comes to worst, what if they couldn’t find a cure?

 

 

May’s whole body is trembling. Her eyes started to sting and her throat completely closed up. 

 

_This is all too much._

 

_She never wanted to leave Daisy alone._

 

_Without a doubt, she would do anything for Phil._

 

_She never wanted for this to happen. She never-_

 

 

“Melinda?” Phil’s voice cut through her thoughts, soft but so damn painful.

 

Her whole body froze. She’s used to pushing him away when she feels too much; but things don’t work that way anymore because they’re different now. 

 

_She has him now; completely hers._

 

Still, she couldn’t find the right words to say, nor she couldn’t find the strength to face Phil. 

 

Steady arms held her from behind,slowly rocking her , quelling her fears and doubts, enfolding her in love and safety[.](http://www.apple.com/)

 

“Phil, I-” May hiccups, trying to be strong enough, “Daisy.” 

 

Phil’s arms fell loosely on May’s waist. 

 

She met his piercing blue eyes, fear evident on his face, even in the dark.

 

“I’ve been receiving messages from her,” May said so quietly, Phil almost missed it even in the dead silence of the night.

 

Phil did not reply, even though  his eyes are full of questions. So May handed him the phone and they listened to it together.

 

It was a night without sleep and a night full of tears.

* * *

 

 And just what May has feared, Daisy stopped leaving voice messages.

 

She brushed off the nagging feeling to call back when there weren’t any messages to listen to on the first day.

 

But one day became two, became five, became twelve.

 

On the thirteenth day, May has had enough. She couldn’t sleep, she couldn’t enjoy her days here in this damn beach ,when her child is being self-destructive.

 

getting out of the bed,she made up her mind to call her Daisy.

 

When she saw Coulson sitting by the porch, reading a book, she said, “Phil I’m worried about Daisy.” walking towards him.

 

Phil sets the book down, looked up to see May’s sad eyes, and took her hand. May, understanding the gesture, sits on his lap. 

 

Embracing her,he then replies, “ so I’ve noticed, for the past few days.” Kissing her hair. Embracing her

 

Eyes fluttering shut, May murmured, “We need to call.” 

 

Phil only hummed in agreement, holding May tightly. His heart aches for her. She's not giving up on him, and she’s not giving up on Daisy as well. May has a such a big heart;  always prioritizing his and Daisy's happiness before hers. She doesn’t deserve to be broken again.

 

“Hey Phil” May whispers, turning to face him.

 

“Hmm?” 

 

“I love you very much.” May says, tears falling from her eyes, as she kisses him softly.

 

It was short and sweet, but Phil cherished those kind of kisses from her the most.

 

 

“Lets go make that call.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE ALL OF YOU ARE GIVING ME <3 I AM SO OVERWHELMED! 
> 
> I also forgot to mention!!! "Don't Listen In Secret" came from a korean pop group "seventeen"! 
> 
> I would also like to give a shout-out to Book_freak for inspiring me and because I really love her :))))
> 
> and all of you for making me happy with your kind responses <333

**Author's Note:**

> I hoped you enjoyed! please leave some lovely comments :)


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